Rope

What if there was an imaginary thread? One they say binds mothers and daughters, something invisible, unbreakable, pulling them back together no matter how dark the days get. What if they do run back to mommy, and somehow, everything will be okay? But it’s nothing more than a fairytale spun with delicate lies, wrapping itself around the truth like a noose. That thread tightens, winding around my neck, hands, knees, and throat, until it starts to rash deep, bruising in a way that never heals. It burns into my bones, just like the lies I told to protect myself, both buried away in those unhealed burns, hidden but never gone. I’ve become obsessed with the sound of her footsteps. I know each creak in the floorboards, each subtle shift in weight that marks who is walking. I can tell it’s her long before she reaches my door. My journal slips under the cotton sheets, tucked away just in time. When I lie in bed, I curl onto my left side, hiding, making sure she can’t see over me as she passes.

The door is always two inches open, just enough for me to catch her shadow slinking by. And when she’s near, I hold my breath—tight, afraid that even the air might betray me. The closer she gets, the walls seem to tighten, pressing in, and I feel the room shrink. My chest grows heavy, the air like a thick fog suffocating me. It’s not her that scares me—it’s the way her mind works, the way she peels back every layer of me like old wallpaper. I spent my childhood hiding, making myself small, trying to disappear into the frilly pink wallpaper I used to have in my room. But no matter how small I folded myself, she always found a way to tear me open, pulling back that same frilly wallpaper until it was bare and exposed. She doesn’t need claws or horns. It’s in her eyes, the way she looks at me. That silent judgment that tightens my skin, prickles my spine. I know the knock is coming. I know she’s coming to strip back everything again. Her disappointment hangs in the air, heavy like smoke. It seeps into my bones, winding around my rib